These lyrics are from Lauryn Hill’s Ex-factor, but this is the conversation that I had with myself this morning. It makes sense, It’s Winter Solstice Eve and I know that I’ve been in a season of healing and transforming. So what does any of it mean? Why were these words so heavy on my spirit. I honestly believe that I ‘ve lived a large part of my life making things more difficult than they need to be . I don’t always stop to find the path of least resistance. I believed that anything and everything that I want or need can only be obtained through hard work…blood, sweat and tear.
Success comes after struggle
Life has to be hard before it can be easy
I have to do it all in order to have what I want….
Life is hard
Would you believe me if I told you that it was all a lie? Would you believe me if I said life should flow? That life could be easy? That I could have it all? Not this or that…but this and that ….oh and that too.
It’s possible!
So I’m officially breaking up with the idea that success comes after hard work. I’m letting go of the thought that I’ll be rewarded for my scars!
It can and will be simple!
No battles or scars necessary!
This concept can be applied to all areas of my life….
Ok so I’m trying something new here. Normally when inspired, I share my daily lessons via Facebook! Why put all the goodies on there, when I could easily share it with you all here. I hope that I can make these posts happen daily, but we shall see. Anyway, on to the story…
So last night as we were driving home from work, our tire decided to take a break from it’s duties and roll out….while we were in the middle of the highway….at 65 mph..in the rain……
We were all safe, no accident…all good. The bad thing is that our sole source of transportation is in the hospital, and life is still happening. Oh I forgot the best part of the story. My lovely Apple iPhone 7 decided to lose it’s signal due to a manufacturer issue…while waiting for the tow truck. I use my phone for everything so at some point I will have to figure out something.
So today I woke up focused on Uber and Lyft, but luckily my friend volunteered to get me to work.It was great opportunity to have girl talk and chat about lattes and babies. I was all good until I realized that I wouldn’t be able to do shit without my phone. No uber , no lyft, no calling a mechanic, no IG….nothing .
Ok..so now that I can breathe again, time to go into problem solving mode. I reached out to Apple and they said they could fix my phone for free.99…but I either had to mail it in , or make an appointment at the closest location. How Sway…..How?
So I decided to catch a cab to the closest Cricket store to get a temp phone until I can get my phone repaired. I literally googled a cab company, booked a cab, and hoped that the driver saw me standing there hopeless and cell phoneless.
My driver scooped me….I paid when I arrived at my destination …purchase a new phone…paid for my lunch…and downloaded Lyft….!
Best part of the story is that I did all of this on my work lunch break..
Moral of the story: Either you’re going to sit and think or pout your way into a solution…or you can take inspired action. It’s up to you 🙂
Currently struggling with finding a balance
When to take care of myself
And when to expect someone else to have a solution
It’s tough when you’re the one that everyone turns to
It’s hard when every comes to you because you always seem to know what to do
Maybe I need to manage my expectations
Or figure out a way to calm these rapid heart palpitations
People offer to take care of you But first you must tell them exactly what to do
Do you know how much mental work that takes ?
And every time someone shows me they they still don’t just know how to help me
My heart breaks How much more can one brain take ?
Who can I go to ask for solutions ?
The universe is so vast It doesn’t help that I’ve always had me
I took care of me in the past
What do you do when you desperately want that to change ?
What do you do when you want to naturally vibrate in a different range
These are my questions for today
Some say you should be still and pray
Others say the solution is to meditate
Perhaps both parties are on the right path
Maybe the best thing for me to do is be still and ask
I have my moments when I feel super blah. Not much of a coffee drinker so sometimes I need a boost that doesn’t make me feel loopy and wired.
So what’s my solution? I whistle while I twerk.
It’s no secret that I love music. All types of music! One of my favorite types of music is anything that makes me wanna dance or twerk it out.
It is my favorite go-to choice of music when I’m vibrating low. It lifts my mood and shifts my mood from blah to Yasssssss!
I put together a youtube playlist for you called Twerk it out. I want you to listen to this when you are having a day where you need a boost of energy.
You can listen to it at home, in your car, and if you’re at work, whip out your headphones and mentally twerk it out. It’s a short playlist but just enough to get the energy flowing.
Do you have a favorite twerk song? Maybe twerking ain’t your thing. What’s your instant mood-boosting song? Comment below and let me know! I’d love to add it to my playlist.
So recently I’ve been on a journey to self-care. I’m not surprised when lessons come flying at me daily. I mean it’s what I asked for right? Guidance, clarity, answers etc. Well here comes an aha moment bought to you by life.
I like to call myself a problem solver. Hell, I’ve even gone so far as to call myself a creative solutions expert. If there’s a problem, I don’t stop until I find it. Is that such a bad thing? Well, it is if I don’t find a balance. When I was a full-time natural hair stylist, my clients would call me their stylist/life coach. It shocked me every time because I felt like I didn’t have my life in order and sometimes have a difficult time solving my own problems. Anyway…. I’ve recently started to feel super depleted. I also just recently accepted that I’m an empath. I can literally feel and take on other’s emotions. carry them and sometimes assume that it’s my shit I’m carrying. If I sensed that someone was going through something< I couldn’t help but ask them if they were ok and in some instances offer myself as a resource. WIthout them asking. This could be in the form of time, finances, and emotional support/ THis has been going on for years! And the moment I stop or take the time to focus on something else, or myself, I get phone calls about how I grew distant or weren’t there for someone when they need me.
Insert guilt…insert anger… insert extreme internalizing and negative self-talk!
Insanity
So this morning it hit me. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean that I have to. I have 100 in my pocket and someone just happens to need 100, doesn’t mean that it was meant for me to give it all to them. Faith makes me feel otherwise. I can give 100 and know that Ican make it back. So what happens when I give it and come up short of what I need? Is someone else going to show up for me? Yeah, I don’t know the right answer to that question.
Just because I have 15 mins of spare time doesn’t mean that I have to spend it helping someone solve their problems, while my needs are chilling in the cut.
What I do know is that I always have a choice. I can choose to hold on to the idea that I have to do it all because I can, or I can let go and exercise my freedom of choice.
You have a choice! You don’t have to do it all, even if you feel as if you can. There is a huge universe full of resources ready and waiting for you!
Manifesting the things you desire becomes easier once you learn how to be clear and direct with your request. The problem is most of us either don’t know what we want, don’t believe we will get what we desire, or have a hard time trusting. I can speak for myself. I can clearly tell you what my kids need or what my partner needs, but when placed in a position to get exactly what I want, my brain is clouded with noise. I wake up and my brain is often overwhelmed with decisions. For example:
As soon as my eyes open:
What time is it?
Did Kimani get up and make it to the bus on time?
What am I going to wear today?
Is it supposed to rain?
It’s cold af in the office so I have to dress accordingly
Damn my ankle is still swollen. I gotta pee but the wheelchair is in the hall, and it’s faster if I just limped my way to the bathroom. Should I get the wheelchair, or thug it? Decide
What am I going to eat for breakfast? Do we have eggs, bacon, peppermint tea?
I’m already nauseous so I hope that whatever I decide to eat stays down
Fuck what am I going to eat today? It’s hard to plan now that the baby has taken over.
What time is it? Damn it’s 7:30. I was hoping to be at work by 8:00
Fuck. Gotta hurry up.
Hey, mom have you seen my shoes? Can you sign this paper? I need field trip money
Don’t we have girl scouts tonight?
Babe have you seen the car keys. What do you want for breakfast? What time are you going to work? What’s up? What’s wrong? What can I do to help? By the way, I need to do some work on the other side of time so I may need Kimani to get the kids.
Let me know if you need anything
It’s 8:00. Still hungry and nauseous. Didn’t have the energy to comb my hair. Headwrap looks good. I need breakfast. McDonald’s oatmeal, water, and a banana. That should hold me for 2 hours. Clock in and focus on work…
So my attempt is to ask the universe for help. Is that clear? Not the clearest. What is clear is that I have support and help but guess what I have to ask for it. So what do I ask for in this situation? I can’t see that clearly because I don’t trust the people around me to show up for me. People don’t know how to show up for me unless I tell them plain and clear. Or hope that I figure it out. Any suggestions?
I do know that the answers are within me. I have to stop playing scared or victim and ask for what I want without fear and hesitation. Easy right? We shall see.
Peace! I’m Olivia!
I am a poet, accessory designer, artist…
In a nutshell, I am a creator.
I love working with my hands.
I love to create solutions. I love to create happy moments. I love to live and feel alive. I love to encourage others to feel alive…. I love to encourage others to be themselves..their authentic selves. My mission in life is to be a better me than I was the day before.
